| i feel like crawling into a hole and dying.
nobody i want to care about me cares about me.
just when i think i am catching a break something happens and then no more break.
school blows. i'm doing worse than i ever have and its only getting harder.
my car broke down and i wont have it for another week.
i havent been to practice for two weeks and wont be able to go for another week.
i have no friends, only acquaintances.
i miss the days when all i had to worry about was what band was playing tonight and what color i wanted my hair to be.
i miss stewart and stewarts house and listening to stewart playing his guitar.
i miss jessica and kathryn and holding hands.
i miss the music hall.
i miss high school.
i cant cry. i try. i wish i could. but i cant. everything is better when i cry.
i hate the way things are.
i hate that i cant be myself.
i hate that i came to oklahoma instead of going to california.
i want to get out of here.
i want to get out of my own skin.
i want some one to love and and to want me to love them.
i want the capacity to be happy.
i want my wants to go away.
i want to run away.
i want nobody to care, yet at the same time i want everyone to care.
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| i suppose its my own fault for living in oklahoma over the summer.
i suppose its my own fault because i choose to go places and compete.
i just wish that when i did come home that my friends cared.
i drove 4 hours after having been in an airport or airplane since 4 oclock in the morning to come home and see you
and you wont drive half an hour to hang out with me... thanks.
you'd rather hang out with someone you could see everyday if you wanted to. i see how it is.
since when would you not hold my hand?
thanks alot guys. i love you, too.
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| i miss the days when all there was was xanga.
no myspace, no facebook, no youtube, no stickam.....
i miss my xanga :(
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| i don't like to cuss because i pride myself on being able to find better words, but the only word for what just happened is shitty... real shitty |
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| can't understand the words?
listen closer, faggot.
you might learn something. |
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